American Horror Story: Hotel, Episode One: Holy crap. What did I just watch?

[vc_row][vc_column width="2/3"][vc_single_image image="79385" img_size="full"][title type="subtitle-h6"]© Copyright 2015, FX Networks. All rights reserved.[/title][vc_empty_space][vc_column_text]You know, just the usual creepy children running through hallways, blood-drinking pop stars, rape, gruesome murders, kidnapping, sex, drug using, drag queens, people sewn into mattresses, possibly the dead haunting the hotel... A typical Wednesday night, I have to say. Here are some key take-away points to this episode:

1. Ryan Murphy is taking vengeance on blond women

 The opening scene shows two pretty blond women walking into the hotel, typical prey for murderous minds. We don’t know what the plot is yet, but being American Horror Story, we have a pretty good idea that they won’t make it long. One starts to get eaten by the little children, the other is killed by Lady Gaga herself, and of course they had to be in their underwear for this. Poor women, the lack of WiFi was not, in fact, the most terrible part of this hotel. Neither was the man jumping out of your mattress.

2. Lady Gaga (blond) is a vampire, and she even has Little Monsters (also blond) in the show

 The pop star plays the rich owner of the hotel, and in her spare time, she likes to go to the movies, have sex with strangers, slit their throats, and drink their blood. What a perfect past time to put on your dating profile. She does this all with the help of Matt Bomber’s character, who also partakes in the drinking of strangers’ blood. But hey, at least they have the curtesy to cuddle with the corpses when they’re done. Lady Gaga also has a crew of kidnapped children, and they frolic creepily through the hallways. Don’t worry, they all seem to be happy; they have their own private game room full of candy and video games, and they are definitely well-dressed for their age. Apparently she only likes little blond children, (blonds seem to be preferred in the show already) and she has kidnapped at least one of them, who we find out is a detective’s son. How intriguing.

3. Schimdt from New Girl is now a (blond) drug-addict, and he has company

 I have to say, I had a nice laugh when I saw Schmidt’s face on the screen. I can’t take him seriously in anything after hearing him say “chuht-ah-nee”, but he’s now turned to drugs, and checked into the Hotel Cortez. Within ten minutes, he gets a room, gets high, is raped by a person in a white morph suit, tells Sarah Paulson’s character he loves her, and passes out. He’s still alive by the end of the episode, so I can’t wait to see what they do with his character.[/vc_column_text][vc_single_image image="79391" img_size="full"][title type="subtitle-h6"]© Copyright 2015, FX Networks. All rights reserved.[/title][vc_column_text]

4. There’s a detective, and he seems like he has his own problems right now

 One of Lowe’s children was kidnapped in 2010, his wife can barely look at him, and he is being taunted by an anonymous caller who killed two guys and pulled out their intestines. He moves to the Hotel Cortez for a while, but he sure is in for a surprise when things start getting...murder-y.In all seriousness, this episode was beautifully composed. There were so many little nuances that gave the show the added creepiness it needed. The camera angles were slanted and warped, giving many shots an inherent disorientation, and the way the camera loses focus during the drugging scenes makes the audience feel vulnerable, unsure of what is truly going on. And, my favorite part, the inclusion of “Hotel California” at the very end: the last lines of the episode are “you can check out whenever you like, but you can never leave.”The episode left a lot of loose ends: what will happen to the Hotel Cortez once Lady Gaga sells it?  When will Detective Lowe figure out the Hotel Cortez has been housing his son?  What will happen to drug-abusing Schmidt? My theory, much like the first season of American Horror Story, there will be characters haunting the building (almost obviously Sarah Paulson’s character.  After all, the episode did end with her getting thrown out of a window).  Lady Gaga’s character seems to have a few weapons in her arsenal, and I believe the new buyer will not, in fact, be buying the hotel.  If anything, he’ll be killed, the money will be taken monthly to pay for the building, and his son will join the creepy children in the playroom.  I presume that little Holden will be running right under his father’s nose for a couple more episodes, maybe leaving clever trails and clues.  As for Schmidt, I think he’ll be a goner by the end of episode two.[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row]