Wondering What to Watch? I'll Tell You.

Photography by Noah Laroia-NguyenWitten by Meg Ruocco Hello all. Today I’m here to talk about a show that is very near and dear to my heart. A show that transcends eras. A show that makes me feel like I’m part of something bigger than myself. I am, of course, talking about the hit MTV reality show, Siesta Key. For those of you who don’t know what Siesta Key is—and I’m assuming that it is most of you because I don’t know who else watches it besides me and my roommates—it’s an incredible show about a group of hot 20-somethings who, for some reason, seemingly all still live in their hometown of Siesta Key Florida, and just kinda fuck around. Literally, they all date and cheat on each other constantly. This cast of walking Juul-pods and interchangeable blonde women includes unforgettable people like Chloe, Juliette, Garrett, Madisson, Brandon, Kelsey, Canvass, Tawny, Jared, Pauly, Amanda and Cara. If that seems like too many people to have on one show, you’re right. Game of Thrones is quaking.But put those fears at ease, because every time one of them pops up on screen, the show’s editors put the cast member’s name in the lower left third, because even MTV knows their audience is too dumb to pay attention to stupid shit like people’s identities. But what really gets me about this show is the Key’s axis, the leading man, the star that the casts orbits around like planets. Everyone else is a peasant compared to the motherfucking king:Alex KompetheatcrostAlex KomptheatricalAlex KompakdsjfoaihlkjAlex Kompo. I can’t quite seem to put my finger on why the Siesta Key Gang seems to revolve around Alex. Maybe it’s because his dad, Gary, is one of the wealthiest people in Sarasota County, Florida. Or maybe it’s because of Alex’s totally real and super good respect for women. Alex won me over in Season 1 when he spent five minutes trying to impress a girl by expressing his love for the environment. Then the show did an immediate smash-cut to Alex crushing an empty beer can on his boat and tossing it directly into the ocean. If anything, I recommend watching this show because the editors really know what they’re doing. I realize this article doesn’t tell you much about what happens in an episode, but that’s because not much happens in Siesta Key ever. And that’s what I love about it. This group of 10 out of 10 absolute smokeshows otherwise known as people who would have for sure bullied me in high school deal with scripted issues while lounging beachside in what appears to be one of the most affluent places on Earth. While the show attempts to wedge in some nuanced storylines here and there, for the most part the casts’ problems are non-problems, and the dulcet tones of drunk people shouting at each other relaxes me. Siesta Key is escapism at its finest. It is truly the key to my daily siesta, because it provides a window into the oblivious lifestyles of people who are privileged enough to not have constant anxiety about the pressures of an average life. Siesta Key doesn’t care about global warming or gun control or Trump. It cares about whether or not Cara and Alex hooked up last night at the kickback. And for one, blissful hour, I get to care about that too. Plus the intro song is an absolute bop.