American Horror Story: Hotel in All its One-Liner Glory

[vc_row][vc_column width="5/6"][vc_column_text]I don’t know if it was the pre-final exam jitters, the lack of sleep, or the wine I consumed before and during this episode, but I found I could not stop laughing to myself.  This episode, albeit gory and disturbing as usual, was filled with so many one-liners that I couldn’t help but smile.  Some were the stereotypical “hip with the times” lines that all of our parents have tried to say, others were beyond witty, and some took the episode into a deeper, more religious place.

Here are my favorites, in no particular order:

1. “You can forget about FaceTime” -Donovan

Let me give some context for this one: Donovan had found out that Valentino--the Countess’ love and obsession--is hiding away in a motel somewhere.  As soon as he can, Donovan goes over to the motel, threatens Valentino, and shoots him in the face...multiple times.  When he’s disclosing this information to the Countess, he tells her that she can always call Valentino, but “you can forget about FaceTime.”  It would be pretty hard to FaceTime without a face.

2.  “Cheek bones for days” -Donovan

Obviously, Donovan slayed in the one-liner department; he says this after he overkills Valentino.  The way the camera is set up, Donovan is talking to the corpse, which is the audience’s point of view.  He looks directly into the camera and says “cheek bones for days” in reference to himself.  For days, Donovan.  Not for a couple hours?

3.  “Momma smells appetizers” -Ramona

Probably one of the creepiest lines I’ve ever heard.  Alex and Lowe trick the vampire children into the isolated part of the hotel, where Ramona is locked away.  The kids venture further into the room and they see Ramona, whose first line to them is “Momma smells appetizers.”  If you have a lot of appetizers, though, doesn’t it turn into a meal?  I don’t think Ramona could pace herself.  Eating those kids for appetizers would be like me saying I’m not going to get full off of free chips and salsa: not possible.

4.  “I watched Real World” -Doug

This is Doug’s answer for why he is so understanding of Liz: he watched Real World once where there was a guy who identified as a girl.  That’s a wonderful example, Doug, especially for a married man in his thirties.

5.  “You made me in his image” -Donovan

Moving to a more serious tone, Donovan did have a thought-provoking line towards the end.  After the Countess caught him dancing alone to “Hotline Bling” (I may or may not have cried watching Donovan dancing, because it was so awkward and reminded me of my terrible dance moves) he confessed to killing Valentino and wanting to die by the Countess’ hand.  Donovan realized as soon as he saw Valentino that they looked very similar; he was picked by the Countess for looking like Valentino.  However, this line sounds a lot like Eve’s description in the Bible; Eve was made in Adam’s image.  This brings a whole new dimension to the Ten Commandment killings and life in this hotel.

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Those were my top five quotes, but I need to mention the music choices in this episode.  Who would put “Hotline Bling” and “I Hope You Dance” in the same TV show?  American Horror Story would do that.  Iris’ montage for her three Insta followers (another great line, but not top five.  Sorry Iris) was a beautiful mix of Lee Ann Womack, kittens, and rainbows.  That’s not exactly how I pictured Iris’ mind to be like, but she worked hard on it, so I can’t critique.I really can’t wait to see what happens next episode.  Are the Countess and Donovan now gone?  Is the morph suit guy ever going to come back?  Is Sally going to finally lose that last straw?  Will the Lowe family bring Scarlett back into their messed-up family, or are they just going to leave her be?  We will know January 6th.[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row]